The Weight

I think the reason I don't write more often is because I never know where / how to start.

I have so many thoughts and ideas rampaging around in my mind that I end up feeling like it is too big of a task to try to narrow any of these thoughts down to a simple blog...
But I genuinely feel like I am supposed to write so I'm just going to go for it.

I've been thinking about Jesus a lot lately. Not all the miracles and stuff that He has become famous for, but about what it must have been like as He was walking the cross through the city on the way to die.
What was He thinking about?
What emotions was He feeling?
Did He feel like He had actually missed God's voice and was now going to die in shame and misery for no purpose?

He had spent 30 years preparing for His roughly 3 years of ministry, and at the end of it all - He was going to die.
Did He know everyone would abandon Him as He trudged through the city streets, bleeding and broken, carrying the instrument of His own death?
Did He know He would defeat death and initiate the establishment of God's Kingdom on Earth via His resurrection?

A quick Google search says that the total weight of the cross was about 300lbs (135kgs) - but what Jesus would have been carrying was only the crossbeam (He may have already had His hands nailed to it) and it would have weighed about 100lbs (45kgs).

All of this had me thinking about how much heavier this whole situation was than we tend to give it credit for. We so flippantly throw out verses like "...take up your cross daily and follow Me..." (Matthew 16:24; Luke 9:23) that I think they may have lost the full weight of what they imply.

The emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical strain on Jesus on this day is more than I can even begin to comprehend.
Here He is, facing:
1) Abandonment by His closest family, friends, and followers
2) Agonizing pain
3) Shame most will never come close to experiencing
4) Possible doubt as to whether God is actually involved in the whole thing

But you know what?

HE KEPT WALKING.

That's what has struck me the most from this story. In the movie, 'The Passion of the Christ' the one scene that has stuck with me for all these years is when Jesus sees His mother and she is crying as He, brutalized and barely recognizable, reaches out to comfort Him and He responds to her by saying, "I must be about my Father's business."

HE KEPT WALKING.

I believe that, as difficult as every bit of this was for Him, He had had a glimpse of the Kingdom and KNEW that what He was doing was part of a bigger plan and no matter what, He had to keep walking.
No matter the weight.
No matter the pain.
No matter the shame.

HE KEPT WALKING.

I get emotional just thinking about His resolve and determination, His commitment to God's Kingdom, His courage and strength in the darkest of days.

How often do we get sidetracked when things fall apart or don't go according to plan? Life sucks sometimes and doesn't always feel like its worth living. It would be easier to just sit down and bleed out - but we have to remember that we aren't at the end of the story yet. There is ALWAYS hope. You may not see it, you may not feel it, but you may actually represent it for others, and that alone should keep you putting one foot in front of the other - no matter how slow or shaky each step is. The important thing is to keep walking.

We have been entrusted with a great commission which carries vast implications and a great weight. Sometimes it's easy to have our eyes only on ourselves, but the weight we carry is not for us.
It's for the world around us and it desperately needs for us to just keep walking.